Privacy Officers (whether attorneys or non-attorneys) are a lot like washing machines. Aside from the obvious resemblance that we handle dirty laundry, let’s consider some of the other similarities.
If there is no agitation going on, nothing’s really getting done: Like other compliance roles, privacy may not always sit well with colleagues who may see us as roadblocks to their great ideas. This is one reason why in Europe, privacy officers are afforded a huge measure of protection – they must be able to act independently without fear of reprisal or role reduction. On the other hand, we are here to help get the job done right, so sometimes, we just need time to churn and roll it around a few times!
Front Load vs. Top Load: Privacy programs function in a variety of different ways and there are benefits in all. Personally, I prefer a front load (seeing privacy as an equal partner, horizontal) rather than top load (pushing duties and mandates down, vertical build), but they all get the job done.
Newer Models: Are the fresh new models really better? Or do they simply have more bells and whistles even though the core job is still a high quality result?
Added Technology: However, maybe those newer models do come with some extra technology, such as sensing the load, adding in steam cleaning, and using less detergent. There are lots of significant considerations when employers look for years of experience – maybe they need years, but maybe they need technical enhancements.
Washing Only, Please: Regardless of any bells and whistles, we really just want a machine that washes clothes. We don’t want a machine that does clothes, dishes, cooking, and floor cleaning (which sounds cool as a concept, but in reality would simply be overloaded and do nothing at a high standard).
Quiet vs. Clunkers: There are some who shake, rattle, and roll and others that are extra quiet. Neither really speak to quality, it’s just a different way of working.
We need the Right Settings to Deliver the Right Results: ‘nough said.
Capacity Limits (Overflows are Bad): Stuff too much in and expect too much done – and you get poor results. Sure, the laundry will be a little cleaner, but only marginally. Similarly, putting in too much detergent, bleach, softener – not good. Right amounts at the right times result in optimum work.
Wash first, then Dry: There’s an order to the process. Washing comes first. Cleaning by Design. If you just throw your clothes in the dryer without washing them first, you accomplish nothing meaningful other than getting warm sheets that feel good, but eventually the dirt on them causes real problems.
Don’t Leave the Laundry In: Ever had a load of laundry that was clean, but no one did anything with it after that? Similarly, once we provide recommendations, if the business doesn’t act on it, the final product will smell a little musty.
Don’t Remove Laundry Before its Done: No one wants to manage soaking, sudsy laundry. Let the machine do its work. Now, if I could manage to be like the front load machines and simply not permit anyone to open the door without putting some controls in place…
We All Need Washing Machines: Seriously, who doesn’t use a washing machine? Whether you have one at home or use a laundromat (lots of machines, pay per load, able to handle huge loads – great business model), washing machines are simply a staple of modern life.
Consistent Work Product: Load after load. Great results. Doing the job right.
Complaints of Doing Laundry: So everyone complains about doing laundry, but the machine really does the massive, core job. Sure you have to give us the laundry to do along with the right tools – and yes, you have to do something with the clean clothes. And yet, complaints complaints complaints about “Ugh. Laundry Day.” Would you prefer not to have a washing machine or just have loads of dirty laundry lying around, getting in the way, stinking? Eventually, you could not actually walk around your house with all the piles of laundry or you’d just have to resign yourself to wearing dirty clothes. Oh wait – just go buy new clothes? Eventually, you’d run into the same problem or run out of money. Just let the washing machine do its job and we’re all happier.