“I think I’m Doing Too Much”

I think I’m doing too much. My family had never heard me say those words. Never. And I don’t just mean my kids – my mom, everyone/no one. Those who know me might recognize that I am a hyper-personality, high spirited, too “damn” perky – pick your descriptor. I have always been busy. I started work at maybe 13, 14 years old. I know in one job, I lied about my age….could never get away with that now!

I never cared much for grades, so it is not that I was one of those over-achieving students. I wanted the knowledge, not the external recognition. Given that I generally scored in the top half percent of the top 1% of all those standardized tests, I was classified as a classic underachiever. You laugh now.

But I became too busy. Personally and professionally. privacy lawyer, silicon valley global med tech company check. BCRs (controller and processor – first ever dual application) check. HIPAA check. Emerging tech check. lawyer check. executive check. consulting check. blogging check. start writing a book (check, but leave unchecked that I finished it) – same with PhD  in dissertation phase for 3 years now. Check check check. Happily married finally. 2 amazing, accomplished daughters. Leadership roles in global professional organizations. volunteering with non-profits. great friends. good books. loving pets. awesome home. 150+ pairs of shoes. Mrs. Scottsdale America. Speaking on a variety of subjects to different audiences. teaching law classes. Mercedes AMG. money in savings. off most lupus meds. I even lost 30 pounds. checking all over the place. BUT….

– I was busy, but things were getting accomplished. Yet for the first time in my life – I was overwhelmed. I mean, hell – I survived things that killed others. I know I am lucky – and I give the praise to the God I trust and worship. But I was overwhelmed. Even my adult ADD wasn’t saving me this time.

I have learned that when you need to slow down, you either do it or you’re forced to do it. 

So I have slowed down. I am able to take stock of my goals and my 5 – 10 – 15 year plan. I kinda sorta had a plan, and executed it immaculately despite myself. I know what it important for me professionally and personally – and everything else. everything. is nonessential to my life.

Face the hard decisions. And face them head on with determination and consideration. Be brutally honest with yourself about what matters – and what is simply busy work, or chasing a dream that you thought you should have, or doing things that are expected of someone in your field. Focus on what matters. And yes, professional goals matter too. We spend most of our waking hours working (which can suck if you don’t do what you love), so don’t knock having professional goals and dreams.

Some of us may not be in a position to be choosy, but if it is at all possible – take a step towards being in a place to choose. One step at a time. My goal, growing up poor in Mississippi was 1) be able to walk into a superstop (quickie mart, 7/11, whatever the local corner store is) and buy a coke without having to balance my checkbook first and 2) go on a great vacation every year. #1 I can do. #2 – my definition of a great vacation seems to be morphing.

I’m still young (I tell people I am 74 and looks dayum good for my age), but I am 47 years old. I am young and in a field (privacy law) that is growing leaps and bounds. I know and love some amazing people, both personally and professionally, and I work for some phenomenal people/companies that I respect and hope to continue those relationships.

And I still need to finish that dissertation. this year.

So being too busy was my come to Jesus moment. And I survived it with some hits to the pocket book, ego, health, and personal matters. Maybe that is what it took. I do not ever want to say or feel those words again. I want to be in deliberate control of my life. Live with purpose.

 

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Lights! Camera! Privacy! wuuuut

privacy-movie-cutWhat?? Movies about privacy? I mean, cutting edge, action-packed, thriller movies about privacy! Not since the Alfred Hitchcock horror classic Psycho where the poor girl’s privacy was blown to bits (or stabbed to bits) has privacy been so prevalent in movies. (and anyone who doesn’t think killing a naked woman in the shower for entertainment purposes is about privacy .. . define “naked”)

Jason Bourne. Silicon Valley, megabillions, internet start-up conspired with the CIA to build in back doors in exchange for funding and then only tried to stand up for privacy once the start-up Deep Dream made all their money. I make no judgments about their lack of reality with technology, just that to the masses, when the CEO tells the CIA director played by the amazing Tommy Lee Jones, “Privacy – you should be protecting it!” (or something like that, I was writing on a napkin in the dark, people) – it was stellar!

There was a party in my privacy geek genes.

And then! Then it really went crazy when I saw Now You See Me 2. First, I love this movie. Movies that keep me guessing…don’t happen often. This one did. LOVED IT. Not to mention the amazing cast of characters. plus magic. equaled MAGIC!! And again, about privacy. The wizard, no wait, magician – no, he wasn’t a magician, he was a paranoid spoiled illegitimately-claimed illegitimate son of a millionaire who wanted to steal a chip that provided back doors into everyone’s life. He wanted to be private. And he claimed that you cannot reform the system from within it (which has major philosophical implications for a later discussion).

But wheeeeee – the privacy geek genes are still partying!